Scrolling through social media on 1 December always puts me a little on edge.
In between pictures of perfectly-decorated Christmas trees, kids’ lunch boxes that are filled with festive-shaped turkey and cranberry sandwiches and selfies of people getting mullered over their mulled wine… there are elves.
Lots and lots of what are, quite frankly, creepy-looking elves – swinging from perfectly-placed tree decorations, ‘pooping’ in bowls of Cheerios, or using toilet paper as a parachute to swing from the chandelier, leaving flour footprints and utter chaos in their wake.
And they’re all there to ensure that the kids are well-behaved in the run up to Christmas by keeping a watchful eye on them. The idea is that if a child misbehaves, the elf tells Santa, who then won’t come on Christmas Eve and the child could miss out on presents.
Christmas traditions have evolved somewhat since my childhood in what my kids think is the dark ages (the 80s). Traditions back then were largely kept to watching The Snowman on Christmas Eve and making peppermint creams or other sweet treats on Christmas Day.
I am by no means The Grinch when it comes to the most wonderful time of the year. I love creating new traditions with my children – I am well up for matching PJs, Christmas bedding, Michael Bublé on repeat and hot chocolate bombs.
However, the one tradition that doesn’t happen in our house is Elf on the Shelf. To say I hate it is perhaps a bit harsh, but I do have a very, very strong dislike of it.
I first came across an Elf on the Shelf while walking around the Christmas department of a local garden centre about 15 years ago.
I was curious about what it was, but on closer inspection, its smug face and eyes that were reminiscent of a Chucky doll instantly put me off.
Then, when my daughter was visiting a friend’s house at the age of three, their elf – hanging off the curtain pole on a string of tinsel – massively freaked her out. Any thoughts I’d had of jumping on the elf bandwagon completely disappeared.
That’s the thing. Many young children have vivid imaginations and I have spent hours and hours reassuring both of mine that their teddy hasn’t moved all by itself or that ghosts and monsters are not real. So I am not then going to welcome an elf into the house – who watches them all the time – to undo all my hard work.
I also simply cannot be bothered with this particular tradition. Having an elf coming to stay at what is the busiest time of the year for a parent requires a lot of effort and time – something that I am lacking.
Parent admin is already neverending, and there is so much more to do during December. I barely keep up with what my kids need throughout the month – the school discos, Christmas fair donations, concerts, dinners – I don’t need to add an elf into the equation. Plus, I know that it would cause arguments between my husband and I about who has to move it.
Then there is the risk of losing sleep. My kids sleep through the night now, but I have the memory of a sieve, and I just know that I will be one of the many parents who report waking in the middle of the night and remembering that I haven’t moved the darn thing.
Sleep is precious and I won’t allow an elf to interrupt my much-needed rest.
It isn’t just a case of remembering to move little Elfie about the house though. The pressure is on parents now to get as creative as possible.
Kids want to be surprised by the elf’s hugely hypocritical shenanigans – I mean, sending an elf to watch the kids and report back to Santa, while being less than well behaved itself?
The competitive element means that you can’t get away with the elf just sitting on a shelf for 24 days, you need to make sure that when your child arrives at school, they have the best elf story of the day. And don’t forget, you have to win Instagram too.
Plus: kids, especially when they have such a busy month, find December tiring and often overwhelming. This means that their behaviour can be rather questionable at times.
Using an elf to try and keep your kids on the straight and narrow may seem like a good idea, but what really happens if your child misbehaves? Does Twinkletoes report back to the big man and advise him to give your child a miss this year?
Warnings of ‘no Santa’ are empty threats. Which parent is actually going to follow that one through and leave their child with no presents on Christmas Day?
I am very up for people doing Christmas their own way, and so if you love Elf on the Shelf, good for you. Just don’t expect to find one of those creepy things in our house.
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