With April showers falling from the Stratford skies, David Moyes discovered that it never rains but it pours in this part of the East End as his relegation-threatened side simply self-destructed against Eddie Howe’s Champions League qualification contenders.
Despite seeing the ball cannon onto the Newcastle woodwork in the opening moments, the Hammers proceeded to hand the visitors a string of goals that would rarely even be seen on a Sunday morning over at nearby Hackney Marshes.
West Ham’s nemesis Callum Wilson – now scorer of a dozen goals in 13 outings against the Hammers – soon put the Magpies ahead before Joelinton doubled the advantage before the quarter-hour mark.
And although Kurt Zouma gave Moyes men brief hope with a header before the break, the recalled Wilson and substitute Alexander Isak took advantage of some kamikaze second-half defending before Joelinton bagged his second goal of the night with barely anyone left in the stadium.
Seven months on from its postponement following the sad passing of Queen Elizabeth II back in September, 28 matches into the season, this belated meeting had seen these two sides kick-off at totally opposite ends of the table.
Despite, Sunday afternoon’s fraught, frantic and, at times, frustrating 1-0 win over bottom-placed Southampton, the Hammers had still only found themselves out of the dreaded drop zone on goal difference.
Having seen his side extend their unbeaten home run to five games with that victory over the Saints, Moyes made just one change with striker Michail Antonio being recalled in place of substitute Danny Ings.
After starting out in driving rain and a raucous atmosphere, though, it was a Newcastle playmaker who almost put Moyes’ men ahead in the opening moments, when Bruno Guimarães turned Jarrod Bowen’s low right-wing cross onto the base of the right-hand post.
Skipper Declan Rice then picked up the pieces and drilled the half-cleared ball inches over the bar from 18 yards and, with the Hammers surprisingly making an electrifying start, Bowen then sent a low, angled 20-yarder skidding across the greasy top and beyond the far post.
Newcastle certainly looked bewildered by West Ham’s initial incisiveness and intent but with only a half-dozen minutes on the clock the hosts pressed the self-destruct button for the first time, when Thilo Kehrer – under no pressure whatsoever – opted to head a speculative, harmless cross out for a totally unnecessary corner.
And when Kieran Trippier’s subsequent flag-kick was only half-cleared by Emerson Palmieri, Allan Saint-Maximin sent a hanging right-wing centre towards the edge of the six-yard box, where Wilson rose unchallenged to head the ball inside the left upright.
While the Hammers had come into this rearranged contest only outside the relegation zone on goal difference, then a hat-trick of league wins had seen the Magpies arrive in the capital sitting in the Champions League qualification places by equally fine margins.
A 2-0 victory over Manchester United on Sunday had already lifted Howe’s men into third above Tottenham and the Old Trafford club – all on 50 points – and kicking off a dozen places above West Ham, the Newcastle boss had made just two telling changes from the side that had beaten the Red Devils three days earlier.
With Isak and Joe Willock dropping to the bench in favour of Wilson and Joelinton, it was not long before the Brazilian also repaid his manager’s faith in his own recall.
On 13 minutes, with pressing West Ham looking to wipe out that early opener, Fabian Schär sent Joelinton racing behind Zouma from halfway and, with luckless Emerson playing him on by half-a-boot, he rounded the helplessly-exposed Łukasz Fabiański before rolling the ball into the unguarded net.
An offside flag looked to have come to the Hammers rescue but with the heavens opening above, all hope was washed away by a Video Assistant Referee review that ruled the £40million capture from 1899 Hoffenheim was, in fact, onside.
Now two goals adrift inside the opening quarter-hour, West Ham urgently needed to plug their leaking defensive dam and both Lucas Paquetá and Antonio forced Nick Pope into defiant stops, while the recalled Jamaican international also had a decent shout for a penalty waved aside after being shoved over by Sven Botman.
But six minutes before the break, the Hammers did grab themselves an interval lifeline, when Bowen forced a corner that he then fired deep towards the far post, where Zouma got behind Pope who, missing his attempted punch, could only then pick the Frenchman’s downward header out of his net.
Just as Moyes had seen his side hand Newcastle that opening goal with Kehrer’s unforced error, then the shell-shocked Scot had barely reached his technical area for the restart, when his defence handed the visitors an early second-half freebie.
Within seconds of the restart, Fabiański bowled the ball to Nayef Aguerd on the 18-yard line and, ambushed by the alert Jacob Murphy, the Moroccan defender could only look on in horror as his Magpies’ mugger then squared to Wilson who tapped into an empty net to claim the easiest of the 10 goals that he has bagged this season.
Joelinton and Saint-Maximin then carved open the home rearguard to present Murphy with the simplest of chances but Fabiański produced a sensational one-handed save.
And after the Polish stopper tipped an angled shot from Saint-Maximin, Moyes went for broke with a quadruple switch as Flynn Downes, Vladimír Coufal, Maxwel Cornet and Ings came on for Tomás Souček, Kehrer, Saïd Benrahma and Antonio.
In the opposite dug-out, Howe took a treble-chance, too, withdrawing Wilson, Murphy and Saint-Maximin as Anthony Gordon, Joe Willock and Isak all entered the stage for the final 25 minutes.
By now, though, the disheartened Hammers fans were drifting away into the saturated Stratford night in increasing numbers but sadly for those faithful few who remained, there was yet more self-inflicted misery to come.
On 82 minutes, Guimarães launched a huge raking pass upfield towards the galloping Isak and with Aguerd and Zouma both leaving the ball for the out-rushing Fabiański, the Hammers goalie only succeeded in juggling the ball off his thigh into the path of the recently-arrived Newcastle substitute, who gleefully lobbed the mis-controlled clearance into the unguarded net from 20 yards.
That was the catalyst for a mass evacuation by virtually anyone and everyone in claret and blue but there would still be one final twist of the Newcastle knife, when Guimarães sprayed a final-minute pass into the path of Joelinton, who cut in from the left wing.
After holding off Zouma, the Brazilian struck an unstoppable, angled 12-yarder across the face of Fabiański into the far corner for the visitor’s fifth goal of a night to forget for West Ham, who now have just ten matches left to avoid the dreaded drop, starting at Fulham on Saturday (3pm).
West Ham United: Fabiański, Kehrer (Coufal 63), Emerson, Aguerd, Zouma, Rice, Souček (Downes 63), Paquetá, Bowen, Benrahma (Cornet 63), Antonio (Ings 63). Unused subs: Areola, Cresswell, Fornals, Lanzini, Ogbonna.
Newcastle United: Pope, Trippier (Manquillo 87), Burn (Targett 85), Schär, Botman, Guimarães, S Longstaff, Murphy (Gordon 64), Joelinton, Saint-Maximin (Willock 64), Wilson (Isak 64). Unused subs: Dúbravka, Lascelles, Ritchie, Anderson.
Booked: Emerson (42), Joelinton (52), Downes (88).
Referee: Craig Pawson.
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