When you’re planning a wedding or large celebration, people really, really care about where they sit.
I spent hours pouring over the seating plan for my own nuptials, arranging and rearranging post-it notes into different configurations in a bid to keep the peace between divorced parents, friends-turned-exes, and people who’ve just never clicked. There were still tears from one guest…
So it was with some sympathy for the Coronation organisers that I saw the seating plan drama unfold this weekend.
On Friday, it was reported that Prince Harry had delayed RVSPing to the big bash, over concerns about where he would be sitting.
‘Harry’s side was keen to find out, presumably because they wanted to rubber-stamp it, what the seating plan at the Abbey is,’ a source told the Daily Mail.
‘There’s been extensive back and forth about who they [Harry and Meghan] would be sitting behind if they came. And who would be behind them. Harry was apparently quite preoccupied by this particular detail.’
Cue many opinions about this online. But why is where you park your bum for one day so darn important?
Anxiety and awkwardness are no doubt major factors for those facing an enforced reunion with an estranged family member or ex.
In Prince Harry’s case, it’s perhaps understandable that he wouldn’t want any last-minute surprises, knowing the world’s media will no doubt scrutinise his every move on the day.
But seating plans can also cause anxiety for us common folk at the best of times, says South East wedding planner Beckie Melvin, of Emerald Orchid Weddings.
‘Guests can view a seating plan as an indication of popularity or hierarchy,’ she tells Metro.co.uk ‘For example, they can feel the closer that they sit to the couple, the better the relationship. This is rarely truth!’
There are countless possible explanations for why you might find yourself in an unexpected seat, not least the layout of the room. There may be guests who need easier access to the bathrooms, for example, or simply not enough space to seat everyone from one friendship group on one table.
Despite this, many people take a ‘sense of belonging and importance’ from the seating plan, says Nalini Raman-Mathew, a Hertfordshire-based wedding planner at Knots & Nuptials, which is why it’s worth proceeding with caution, whether you’re planning a wedding, Christening, or the biggest day of a monarch’s life.
‘It plays a very important role in social dynamics,’ she says. ‘For example, if you want to encourage mingling and socialising between guests, you may choose to seat people who don’t know each other together or mix up friend groups.
‘On the other hand, if you want to create a more intimate or formal atmosphere, you may choose to seat guests with people they already know well or in smaller groups.’
How to create a seating plan if you’ve got more family drama than the royals
This is your day, says Beckie, so create a plan that makes life as easy as possible for you.
‘If you have strained relationships that you need to consider, for example divorced parents who have now remarried, ensure that – if they have to be invited – they’re seated an appropriate distance from each other,’ she says.
‘But don’t worry about trying to create the “perfect plan,” because there is always someone who’ll be annoyed.
‘Honestly? Any guest who’s invited to share your big day should be grateful of the opportunity to celebrate with you, where they’re seated bears no indication of how much you love them.’
And if you’ve arrived at an event and you don’t like where you’re sat?
Unless the person you’re sat next to has made you feel unsafe in the past, (in which case a quiet word with the wedding planner or venue manager is advised), both planners say bite your tongue.
‘The couple will have been overwhelmed, frustrated and stressed in the lead up to their day,’ says Beckie, ‘and your personal views on this are not necessary.’
Nalini adds: ‘Never ever switch seats without permission as it can create confusion for other guests and catering staff.
‘Be open minded and embrace the opportunity to connect with new people, you never know, you may like them and become friends.
‘Always remember, it’s about celebrating the wedding couple and not your seating plan.’
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