Struggling to bond with your baby? You are definitely not alone

But new research has shone a light on another aspect that new mums struggle with.

A recent survey has found that more than one in 10 women struggle to bond with their baby, with the majority saying they are given no support from healthcare staff.

In fact, nearly three-quarters (73%) of women said they received no information or advice on bonding with their baby in the first few weeks after birth, despite guidance for doctors and nurses recommending that they assist with emotional attachment to encourage healthy child development.

Participants noted that societal pressure to enjoy pregnancy, and assumptions that bonding would happen automatically, left them feeling guilty and afraid when it didn’t – according to the study carried out by Parent-Infant Foundation.

This was the case for 46-year-old Silke Thistlewood.

The mum tells Metro: ‘When I gave birth to my first child, there was no instant rush of overwhelming love. I remember holding her and thinking that I recognised the shape of her leg because I’d felt it through my tummy, but this was a very matter-of-fact observation, no sense of awe or wave of emotion. 

‘I’d laboured for two days by this point and I do wonder if the sheer exhaustion I felt meant that instant bonding was an impossibility. The exhaustion stuck around for quite some time (thanks sleep deprivation), with an added sense of overwhelm due to everything being so very new and the demands constant. 

‘In hindsight, if I’d had more hands on help in the immediate recovery period after birth, I can see that this might have improved my ability to bond with the baby.

‘I’ve always said that if I’d lived in a commune when my kids were little, I would have coped just fine. Some adult conversation and being able to call on an extra pair of hands (or even just an opinion) from time to time, would have made such a difference.

‘In terms of professional support to assist mums and babies to bond, more could be done I’m sure. As far as I could tell every professional, from nurses to health visitors and GPs, were satisfied as long as baby was gaining weight and seemingly doing OK. The bond with my children was never mentioned, or questioned, at any stage. ‘

Following her experience Silke decided to write a book on the topic ‘to remove the guilt in early motherhood around a multitude of scenarios – including being slower to bond.’

She adds: ‘I’m really not a fan of the baby stage. I found that the bond with my children grew over time and probably didn’t reach its full depth until they were around two years old. 

‘The fact that babies can’t communicate their needs clearly was (and still is) really scary and anxiety inducing to me. I relaxed into motherhood much more once they could talk and that relaxation in turn allowed a much stronger and calm bond. In hindsight I can see that this is absolutely fine and very normal, but at the time I was really questioning my ability as a mother.’

For those currently experiencing this, Silke adds that signing up to classes, such as mum and baby yoga, singing and signing classes or baby sensory, really helped her to build a bond in the end.

Also, the she says having a schedule and routine helped her.