Potty training tips the experts want you to know

Just when you think you’ve established a rough routine, may have returned to work, and are able to communicate better with your child as you put teething days and midnight feeds behind you… there’s a new milestone that hits.

Toilet training.

You’ve gone from changing their size 0s every time you get a hint of a blue line to managing to contain the poonamis like a pro and now you’re confronted with a potty.

How do you get your little one to accept that this is where they pee now, rather than in a handy diaper that catches everything on the go? When should you start or when is too late?

When to get started

‘There is no set time when you should start,’ explains Amanda Jenner, toilet training expert and founder of the Potty Training Academy.

‘You just have to wait until your child is showing signs that they are ready and avoid any upheaval like moving house, the arrival of a new baby or changing nursery. It’s best to wait a month or two when things have settled.  

‘Signs of readiness can include stopping in their tracks when they have done a wee or poo, insisting on a nappy change and hiding when doing a wee or a poo in their nappy. 

‘Letting them choose their own potty and big-kid undies and reading them a book about the process will help get them excited from the outset.’

Routine is key

Consistency is important when starting training: ‘Prompting your child and encouraging them every 40 minutes will get them used to sitting on the potty,’ says Jenner.

But don’t use an exacting schedule as this creates stress for everyone and can lead to anxiety and withholding, explains Rachel Fitz-Desorgher, leading baby and parenting expert appearing at The Baby Show, (13-15 May 2022).

‘The idea is that on this independence journey, your child develops the ability to work out for themselves when they need to use the toilet. Some days your child will need to pee more often and sometimes less often – just like you and me.

‘A very gentle reminder before car journeys, before meals and before naps and bedtime can be helpful, but if your child says that they don’t want to go, leave it at that because the more you try to control the agenda the more likely you are to hit resistance and tantrums.’

Where to go

Consistency is key here too. ‘Keep the potty in the place they spend most of their time as this will prompt them and remind them to use it. They have very short notice at the beginning so it needs to be accessible quickly,’ says Jenner.

‘Privacy is vital for some toddlers just like for you and me. Putting a potty in the main room where everyone can watch can lead to anxiety and stage fright so give them an option of two places. “Would you like your potty in the toilet room or by the back door?” gives a toddler a quick and easy choice to make,’ advises Fitz-Desorgher.

‘If you have two floors in the house consider a potty upstairs and a potty downstairs and don’t worry if you use a potty at home but toddler toilets are used at nursery. Your child won’t get confused, they’ll simply become more flexible in their abilities – children are very adaptable,’ she continues. 

When things don’t go to plan

More accidents than successes? ‘Give it a go for a week and if they are having consistent accidents leave it for a while and start again in a month or two,’ advises Jenner. 

‘While ideally you wouldn’t to and fro, sometimes it can all seem a little too much in the early days,’ says Fitz-Desorgher.

‘Consider a break from pants without any fuss or worry, and then simply move back to pants when life seems a little more straightforward again. This is a journey, not a race, and we are all human after all.

‘Make sure that any potties and seats you buy are super easy to use and clean. A potty that can’t easily be poured straight down the loo and rinsed out under a tap can make life more difficult than it should be.’

Rewards for getting it right

Expert opinion is divided on how to reward your little one for filling their potty rather than their pants.

‘When a child pees or poos on the potty then a simple: “You’ve done your pee on the potty – good work!” is quite enough to give the message that your child has done what was expected and that you’re pleased,’ says Fitz-Desorgher.

‘Reward charts and other types of rewards like small, wrapped presents will help encourage your little one and will make them feel good about what they have done,’ suggests Jenner.

What to do when they get it wrong

Accidents happen! ‘Remember that you are working towards toilet independence and not aiming to get your child clean and dry as that is simply not under your control,’ says Fitz-Desorgher. 

‘So, when your child misses the potty, simply walk them through what to do. “Oops! You’ve done a pee on the floor. Wee on the floor needs cleaning up. And then you’ll need some dry pants. Let’s sort it out together.”

‘Support your child through the process of cleaning up a puddle, cleaning themselves, popping the wet pair in the washing machine and grabbing some dry pants. All sorted! No fuss, no shame, but, for your child, a growing sense of autonomy and confidence.’

‘If they do gross things at the beginning, just brush it off and say ‘We don’t do that,” and explain why,’ says Jenner.

Take your time… but not too long

While Jenner advises having a distraction box by the potty to help kids relax (think bubbles and fidget toys), Fitz-Desorgher says that taking too long can be a red flag.

‘If your child is having to sit for ages on the potty, you have to ask yourself whether they are there because they need to pee or because you think that they should. Doing it on your command is not toilet independence.

‘Your aim is to move your child towards visiting the toilet in exactly the same way as you – to do what they have to do and then getting back to more fun things!’

Dress for the occasion

Dressing for independence is important. ‘Clothes should be things they can pull down quickly, avoiding buttons, poppers or dungarees,’ says Jenner.

‘Letting them go naked might seem like a good idea in warmer weather, but if toddlers get used to this they can have more accidents when they need to use the potty clothed.’

Getting it right for boys and girls

There are some physical differences between little girls and boys that dictate their toilet training direction slightly. 

‘It’s best to start with both sexes sitting down or otherwise little boys find it a bit of a game. It will be a natural progression with them standing up along with their peers,’ says Jenner. 

Fitz-Desorgher advises showing little boys how to hold his willy to take better aim, getting a sturdier toddler step to reach the toilet bowl and teaching them to clean up any mess.

‘For little girls, after a week of potty training start guiding their hand with yours on top teaching them to wipe front to back, this is important for hygiene, it can take children a long time to grasp this. So do not panic if they don’t get it right straight away,’ says Jenner.

Tricky number twos

Having a poo can feel odd for all of us at times. ‘Some children are a little overwhelmed in the early days when trying to take control of the process and they need simple down-to-earth and straightforward reassurance – “Sometimes it feels a little odd to do a poo. That’s okay. Would you like me to rub your back or hold your feet whilst you try or would you like me to wait outside the toilet?”

‘Keeping it low-key will help your child relax, safe in the knowledge that this is just a normal human process,’ says Fitz-Desorgher.

‘Make sure you give them plenty of liquids, keep them active and watch what they are eating,’ advises Jenner. It should help the process go more smoothly.

‘If your child shows any anxiety about the sound of the flushing loo, simply and gently reassure them that loud noises can scare us all at times and then ask them if they would like to flush the loo or let you do it,’ says Fitz-Desorgher.

‘Flushing around them when you use the bathroom yourself should help.’

Regression happens

‘Once your child has gained confidence with being independent, expect them to go off the boil a bit. This is natural,’ explains Fitz-Desorgher.

‘They simply move their attention back to building the Lego, or digging for dinosaurs in the garden, and pay less attention to the feelings in their bladder and bowels. No need for drama. Simply remind your child of your expectations: “You left it a bit late that time. Better luck next time!”

‘It can be very frustrating, and it is easy to feel defeated when your child appears to go backwards in their development. But they are really not going backwards at all – they are getting more confident, and with confidence sometimes comes a little bit of blasé behaviour. Stay calm, this will pass.’

Jenner advises switching up the reward system if you’re using one to get them excited again.

When to switch to underwear

‘I advise using big-kid, cotton pants from day one of potty training as toddlers don’t know the difference between disposable pants and a nappy,’ says Jenner.

Dry nights

‘Night time training should not be started for at least a month after they have been fully potty trained in the daytime and look for dryer nappies in the morning,’ says Jenner.

‘Make sure you reduce liquids and fruit one hour before bedtime. Nighttime training can take longer and some children are at least five years old before they grasp this.’

While children might want to come out of nighttime nappies as soon as they come out of daytime nappies, Fitz-Desorgher advises waiting until the time is right for you, and your washing machine is at the ready and in full working order.

‘When it’s time, protect the mattress with a sturdy, waterproof cover, pop a potty in the bedroom for overnight, pop a pile of towels where your child can find them, and then walk your toddler simply through the process of what they need to do if they either need a wee in the night or wake up to find themselves in a wet bed,’ says Fitz-Desorgher.

‘Of course, always reassure them that they can call you for help at any time.’

A rough timeline

While all children are different and watching for the signs is important, here’s a rough guide to when to expect children to hit certain toilet milestones according to the NHS website:

• By age one, most babies have stopped doing poos at night
• By age two, some children will be dry during the day, but this is still quite early
• By age three, 90% of children are dry most days – even then, all children have the odd accident, especially when they’re excited, upset or absorbed in something else
• By age four, most children are reliably dry during the day
• It usually takes a little longer for children to learn to stay dry throughout the night. Although most learn this between the ages of three and five, up to 20% of children aged five sometimes wet the bed.

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