Opinion | New ‘Right Stuff’ dating app for conservatives gets romance all wrong

In a new dating app ad, women reveal what they want in a man.

“An alpha-male vibe” is a turn-on for one. Other desirable qualities range from “shared values” to “masculinity.” Do you want kids? Do you grasp your traditional role as a “manly man”? Do you go bowhunting for caribou in a red MAGA hat while blaming Bill Gates for the vaccine your aunt stupidly got without realizing there is now a 5G tracking and self-destruct chip lodged in her spleen that George Soros will activate when his cosmic overlords say it’s time for the Great Depopulation?

If so, many steamy dates await you this winter.

All other fellows are strongly advised to avoid this app.

Sir? You, over there, with the hipster beard and Biden aviators. You with the Greenpeace volunteer card in your vegan wallet. You keep sipping that indie microbrew while lamenting book bans because the women on this dating app believe you are a monster. You are a red flag. You are a non-starter.

You are mousse and they want beefcake.

The app, which received funding from billionaire Peter Thiel, is called The Right Stuff. The website makes the target audience clear: “Other dating apps have gone woke.” “Connect with people who aren’t offended by everything.” “View profiles without pronouns.” “If you’re single and not on this app, you ain’t conservative!”

In this hyperpartisan age, even Cupid is checking party affiliation.

I guess there’s a logic. I mean, if your every waking moment is consumed by the false idea Donald Trump won the last election, you’re probably not going find a spark with someone who has a mural of Barack Obama in his bedroom. If you believe abortion is always murder, pillow talk with a Pussyhat protester will go sideways quickly: “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?”

But it’s sad because love should transcend politics.

If love can’t ride roughshod over our differences, nothing will.

I look forward to hanging out with couples who don’t see eye-to-eye on everything. The conversations are way more interesting. Have you ever been out for dinner with couples who are both on the left or right? It’s like getting aurally blitzed by a sleep-inducing seminar in stereo.

Yeah, yeah, I get it! Climate change is going to kill us all. Critical race theory is reverse racism. A woman has the right to choose. Illegal immigration is an existential threat. Trudeau is the best PM ever. Trudeau is the worst PM ever.

Can we settle-up so I can catch the end of the Jays game?

Sadly, The Right Stuff believes it is impossible for a conservative woman to live happily ever after with a liberal man, or vice versa. At the end of the ad, the women agreed on one thing: Democrats need not apply.

As one lady observed, “Conservative guys have better manners.”

I’m not sure that’s true of the conservative guys turned insurrectionists who stormed the U.S. Capitol. Attacking the police and smearing feces on the wall while trying to overturn a democratic election seems like bad manners.

It almost makes you wonder about the future profile captions on The Right Stuff: “Hey. I love rebuilding vintage Fords, moonlit strolls on the beach, Hillsong United, the Fourth of July and, most of all, Alex Jones. Let’s connect and have a false-flag operation in the back of my Mustang.”

Dating sites should be for everyone. Users can still swipe left or right. But ideology should not be the animating force. That’s how we got stuck in this partisan quicksand. Coincidentally, a survey by “Time2play” landed in my inbox on Tuesday. Contrary to The Right Stuff, this survey found the biggest “dating red flag” in Canada is “controversial or political bios.”

Personally, I think it’s time for society to consider arranged marriages between people on the opposite sides of the political spectrum. You know? Force progressives to wed conservatives and let’s see if their offspring will be too confused to maintain all this political bickering. After her divorce is finalized, Marjorie Taylor Greene should start dating any leftist MSNBC contributor who has previously trashed her, which would be a big pool.

Who knows, maybe they’ll both soften and have a great life together.

Romance between political enemies might be all that saves us. We live at a time when fewer people understand the value of agreeing to disagree. You’re either on Team A or Team B. You’re either part of the solution or part of the problem. There is no in-between, no nuance, no effort to bond.

Voting booths will never change any of this — but the bedroom might.

Force liberals and conservatives to hook up until their political differences vanish and are replaced by domestic concerns over property taxes and future pensions. Dating app segregation is only going to galvanize what divides us. We need to tackle this dysfunction one couple at a time as liberals and conservatives say, “I Do” and begin spooning and antiquing.

Shame on you, Peter Thiel. The Right Stuff is The Wrong Stuff!

An Opposites Attract dating app is what society desperately needs.

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