Millie Mackintosh: ‘I”m not the person I was when I was first in the spotlight’

Welcome to Metro.co.uk‘s The Big Questions, where we ask, well, the big questions (and the smaller ones too) and this week, we’re diving deep with Millie Mackintosh.

Despite getting her start on UK scripted reality TV stalwart Made In Chelsea, the 32-year-old has gone on to become quite the influential voice on social media.

While pregnant with daughter Sienna, two, and then welcoming second daughter Aurelia in November 2021, Millie has shared a no-holds-barred account of her journey to motherhood – the good, the bad and the bodily-fluid-covered.

The star gave birth via C-section – or, as Millie calls it, ‘abdominal birth’ – for both daughters and wants to quash the stigma around caesarian births and recovery, with the star enthusing her experience with the Pico dressing: a vacuum-packed dressing which helps reduce the chance of infection and improves the overall recovery process – and something Millie is keen to spread the message of.

So what better time than C-Section Awareness Month to unpack all there is about her journey around birth with some *big* questions, eh?

Why is it important for you to share your experience with C-sections?

For me, I think there definitely is a bit of a negative stigma out there attached to having a C-section, which is so, so ridiculous and outdated, and it just really frustrates me.

I’ve had two amazingly positive birth experiences… I know every birth is different and there’s lots of different reasons people have C-sections, so, I can’t speak for [others]. Mine were planned, which gave me a bit more control in the process. If other mums-to-be know they’re having a C-section and they’ve chosen to, you can actually request to have what’s called a natural, or gentle C-section, which is a kind of slightly slowed down process.

The second time I actually watched my daughter be born where they lower the screen, and once she was ready to come out, it just took my breath away. It was amazing.

What was that experience like when they dropped the sheet?

I’d spoken to a friend who dropped the sheet as well and asked all sorts of questions, like ‘What are you going to see? Is it weird, seeing ourselves opened up?’

You’re lying in the theatre completely flat and you’ve still got a bump, even when they’re pushing the baby out your tummy is quite rounded, so [I couldn’t] see anything other than my skin and then just literally the baby’s head and obstetrician’s hands guiding her out. So it didn’t didn’t freak me out. It was just incredible.

I was talking to [husband] Hugo [Taylor], and then I just remember the next thing, my midwife is like, ‘right? You ready?’ It happened really quickly, but it’s very surreal and magical.

I didn’t know that you could even watch until you posted about it. Surely you have a lot of people reach out saying they’re discovering things after you speak about it?

Definitely. And just for people who haven’t started the process of having children yet, but are thinking about it in the future, they’re like, ‘Wow, thank you. Now I know there are these options out there.’

And I think for any pregnant women who have been told they need a C-section when it wasn’t their first choice…and they’ve been feeling anxious about it or feeling like they’re going to be robbed of this, you know, birth experience that they’ve planned, I think it’s really just about changing your mindset for it.

I really like to reference it as an abdominal birth; people say either a C-section or a natural birth, and it makes having a C-section sound so unnatural, but you’re still birthing your baby. You’re still giving birth, it’s just a different way to do it.

Is there a fear around recovery after a C-section, do you think?

Definitely, and back in the day, people having them and not being able to get out of bed for weeks, and having this kind of very long and painful, difficult recovery. Obviously, it’s so different for every birth and every experience and I know that some emergency C-sections can be harder to recover from because it’s a bit more of a trauma to the body.

For me, I think I was conscious about the recovery, not having had surgery before, and wanting to really speak to the obstetrician and understand what’s going to be the quickest, safest route to recovery afterwards.

He really recommended using a Pico dressing, which I used both times. It’s applied straight after birth, so you’re not really aware of what’s going on, because you’re still completely numb when they stitch you up and put the dressing on.

But it was the day after Sienna was born I got up and I felt very conscious of trying not to strain the area. You feel quite vulnerable to move around after having abdominal surgery, but having the dressing vacuum packed onto the skin made me feel more secure, and the skin taut, which actually, I think, helped with pain as well.

You don’t shy away from showing the great parts and the not-so-great parts of motherhood, but is there anything you’ve drawn the line at uploading?

There are some moments where I just think, ‘I wish I could capture this’, it’s so bad, it’s got to be funny. But in that moment, you’re literally like, my phone isn’t there and you’re, god knows, covered in whichever bodily fluids from one or both children, you just don’t even have the capacity to capture it.

So there are funny moments like that, or sometimes really sweet moments, but often, I’m not thinking, ‘Okay, where’s my phone, I’ve got to capture this’, because you’re just in the moment experiencing it. And yes, it would be lovely to have a video of that moment or a picture so that you can remember it forever, but then it would also break the magic of the moment to find your phone and find someone to capture it.

I try to find the balance of [putting the] phone down, being present, and having that time with the girls as well, that kind of bonding time with my attention completely on them.

You were in the spotlight before you had your kids, but when did it dawn on you that people were really responding to your motherhood journey?

I think for me, it was when I was pregnant for the first time, with Sienna, and the beginning of my journey to becoming a mother. I found I wanted to shy away from sharing anything, it felt quite scary to talk about. I was excited, but I felt really nervous to share my journey. But it was through that I did start sharing, and then it started me off in this great relationship connecting with other mums.

It’s really changed the way that I do use social media, I found it a much more positive experience. So I’m really glad that I did take that jump.

Sometimes before uploading something I have felt a bit nervous, ‘Oh, should I post it, should I not?’ Luckily I’ve found the response really rewarding. I’ve just kept going with it. Sometimes in those tough and tricky, messy and scary moments, I’ve found that taking that leap and just going ‘this is a bit scary, but I’m just going to share it’. I’ve always found the response really comforting.

There’s so many Made In Chelsea mums now. I’d love to see a spin off – a Made In Chelsea baby version?

Can you imagine? That’d be quite a big crew!

You were on the show over 10 years ago. Is it quite nice to have almost this time capsule of your life then? Or are there times where you’re like, ‘I wish that wasn’t available on All 4’.

I see that there are definitely some entertaining moments in that. You know, it was real, there was some painful real-life moments. But honestly, I wouldn’t change any of it because it was part of my journey and experience and led me to where I am now.

It was a crazy time, but it was also a lot of fun. And thinking that one day the girls are going to grow up and be able to search that on the internet [gasps], not sure how I explain my behaviour to them when they’re teenagers. I’m sure that will be quite interesting.

Have you ever struggled with fame after finding it at a young age?

I’ve had some real ups and downs and times when I found it more challenging to have attention on me. But [what helped was] staying grounded, being surrounded by a great support network and my family, my husband, really close friends and just really remembering that I only really need to care about the opinions of the people that I really love and trust.

You just can’t please everyone and I think definitely as I got older, that’s something that I realised; when you stop caring so much what other people think and trying to fit this model of being perfect.

Real life is messy, it’s difficult and challenging, and I don’t feel so much pressure to try and post a picture where everything looks, you know, smiling and perfect. I found that quite freeing, actually.

Is there a misconception about you, do you think? Or has there been over the years?

I don’t know, I guess I’ve just grown up quite a lot. I’m not the person that I was when I was first in the spotlight, from being on the show.

So I think, hopefully, over time, people that follow me and follow my story can see that now through the way that I’m able to share more on social media, by being more open, they get to see a bit more about my journey and where I’m at now, versus if they just turn the TV [and think] ‘that’s what Millie’s like’ because that was over 10 years [ago].

I’m in a very different place..not so much dancing on a table in a Chelsea nightclub [laughs].