Every week, an event reminder pops up on my phone that makes me smile.
It’s for ‘Wine and Whine Wednesdays’ – a regular virtual catch-up with one of my best friends who lives at the opposite end of the country.
For an hour, my pal and I moan about everything and nothing at once. Her dating life, my marriage, work, family, our skin, weight, pets, nice food, holidays, men.
To be honest, it’s mainly about men – sex, the patriarchy. Your usual stuff.
Though we’re over 400 miles apart, and see each other about twice a year, nothing stops us from roaring with laughter until we’re in tears and can’t breathe.
It’s like the greatest form of therapy, and I always leave the call feeling a sense of euphoric release. Happiness. Contentment – with a side eye of total confusion from my husband about ‘what the hell just happened?’
He knows not to ask – he knows he’ll never understand.
The bond between girlfriends is one like no other. Nothing does, or will ever, compare to it – and it should never be underestimated
And tomorrow, on National Girlfriends Day, I’ll be raising a pint to her and the other women in my life who enrich my every day.
My ‘ride or dies’.
Because, the bond between girlfriends is one like no other. Nothing does, or will ever, compare to it – and it should never be underestimated.
It’s almost as if women have their own secret language. A fundamental knowledge of each other on a deeper level.
We know how to celebrate and commiserate together. We somehow know each other’s deepest, darkest secrets, and can sense when something is not quite right, too.
My best friends have all seen me at my best and my worst, at my most gorgeous and grotesque – and pass no shame. Still, while my female friends are non-judgemental, they can be brutally honest, too – a type of honesty that you might not get elsewhere, but one you need.
Honesty when it comes to men I thought I loved who weren’t right for me, or if I was selling myself short at work. If I doubted myself, or put myself down. That tough love would help shake me up.
But, above all, female friendships can be intense. Unique, all-consuming, lifelong, passionate, easy companionship. Honestly, I feel deeply sorry for anyone who has never experienced the sheer joy of them.
Each month, I swap long paragraph texts about life with an old school mate I’ve been friends with for nearly two decades; while another female friend calls me everyday to blow off steam about bad dates and even worse colleagues.
One enjoys long walks, while another wants to come over with a bottle of cheap red and listen to Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) in silence. One tells me she vomited in the sink after a rager, while another invites me to Saturday’s 9am ParkRun.
One isn’t much of a texter, but we can easily spend four hours gossiping over coffee and cake each week.
They know the best time to send a bunch of flowers or a box of beer and brownies.
It’s a loyalty that knows no bounds. A feeling of safety that, while these women aren’t blood related or romantic partners, they would give up anything and everything to be at your door with a bottle and family-sized bag of Walkers Sensations to wipe away your tears.
They’re not sanctified by anything, but they’re sacred to so many of us – asking for nothing in return, but true, unwavering loyalty.
If anything, to women, our female friends are our primary partners in life. From our high school BFFs who we’ve grown up with, to our work besties that we see five days a week, for eight hours a day that we’ve moaned and groaned to.
They’ve seen us through everything: school, periods, careers, heartache, good sex, bad sex, terrible haircuts, great outfits, first dates, bad break-ups, proposals, city moves, new life, and even death.
Our life guides and soundboards.
If anything, I feel like we have a shared sense of suppression and oppression; of the burdens and confinement of our sex from generations of men who seek to punish or ‘other’ us because they don’t understand us – and don’t want to.
With other women, I feel free from that. Free from that burden and pressure – and we bring out the very best in, and often hidden depths of, each other.
Female friendships are even said to have health benefits, too. Research seems to suggest that women spending time with other women boosts the so-called ‘bonding hormone’, oxytocin, and increases serotonin levels. Meaning that your bitching sessions on the reg are *actually* good for you (as if we needed an excuse).
So, yes, our girlfriends deserve an entire day dedicated to them, their worth and all-encompassing joy. Tomorrow, why not send your girl a bunch of flowers or a Hilary Duff meme saying you’re thinking of them?
You never know, you might even get a ‘GIRRRRRRRL, you’ll never GUESS what has just happened… CALL ME!!’ voice note in return.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk.
Share your views in the comments below.
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