I’ve been sent an unwanted d**k pic every month for 11 years

Since I was 18, I’ve been sent unsolicited pictures of male genitals.

Nearly every month, someone who I don’t know, haven’t spoken to, or have never even met, has sent me a picture of their junk that I didn’t ask for.

Unfortunately, this happens to me as a 29-year-old woman, but it also applies to nearly every woman I know.

It’s a crime known as cyberflashing, which involves sending sexually obscene pictures to strangers online.

I was 18 when I received my first unsolicited d**k pic on Instagram. When it happened, I was surprised, and didn’t know what to do. I was at uni, so I thought it best to just laugh it off and block them. I didn’t realise at the time that this would become a regular occurrence.

This is how a lot of women who receive unsolicited images can sometimes respond. When me and my friends were younger, we’d laugh it off – saying ‘god what a creep’ or ‘look at this weirdo’.

When I was at university, online chat rooms were a popular thing to do during a night in with flatmates. It’s no surprise to anyone who’s visited these types of sites that men would often – and still do – sit with their penises out. There was no thought as to whether we’d consented.

The situation with cyberflashing these days is similar, but instead it’s happening across social media platforms and women are being specifically targeted.

Like many people, my job as a presenter and content creator involves sending emails and using my social media accounts like Instagram to talk to others – so whenever I open a message that is actually a d**k pic, it’s a reminder that no matter who I block or what I do, I do not have the power to stop this.

This has felt even more relentless over recent years. I’ve been sent images of penises wearing woolly hats (the ones that used to be sold along with bottles of Innocent Smoothies), or penis shots from men accompanied by explicit text detailing what they’d like to do to me.

On one particular occasion in October 2021, I was in bed with a coffee in the morning scrolling through my work emails and found a message that included a variety of d**k pics and graphic text. It made me angry that this person had violated my personal space.

My experience is similar to a lot of other people’s, with research from Bumble showing almost half of 18 to 24 year olds in the UK have received a nude photo they did not ask for, or consent to, and more than one in three having received one while going about their day at work.

I believe it comes back to power. These images – predominantly sent to women – come from strangers on the internet who often see a young woman and feel the need to exert some sort of power over them. We, in turn, don’t have the power to do anything about it.

If someone feels that it’s acceptable to do this online, what do they think is acceptable in person? It shows that they think they have ownership of another’s body, and we know that acts like this can be gateways into similar, more consequential crimes.

Personally, I’ve tried a whole range of methods to protect myself. I’ve reported people on social media, and then weeks later their account is still up. I’ve tried blocking them, but there are always more.

Simply, the support network for women – and the consequences for the men who send these images – doesn’t exist. Fortunately, in recent years, people are beginning to take this problem more seriously, and that seriousness is needed.

The upcoming Online Safety Bill in parliament will criminalise cyberflashing in England and Wales. It’s a small step in the right direction, but it doesn’t do the job.

Currently, the language in the bill will be based on intent. Did that person intend to cause harm to the person they sent it to? Proving someone’s intent feels nearly impossible.

How many people have played off sending a d**k pic as a joke? How many have done it for a laugh between their mates? Because they were bored? I don’t respond to them as a rule, but of the few that I have, there has been no accountability or ownership.

When I’ve said I’ll report it to the police, they have asked me not to, but that’s as far as the conversation usually goes – and I rarely ever get any sort of apology. Intent doesn’t apply to them, and neither will this law.

It means that if a woman wants to take a stand, it’s their word against the sender’s. We can’t make the women who receive these images responsible for stopping them. It isn’t fair, and if the rest of the criminal justice system is anything to go by, it won’t work.

The standard for criminalising naked pictures should be consent, not intent. Did the person receiving it specifically ask for it or agree to it? If not, it’s a crime that women shouldn’t need to fight to prove.

Not only will this help women report it, but it will also help the police enforce it by removing the blurred lines around someone’s intent and instead focus on their actions.

Recently, women-first dating app, Bumble – along with UN Women UK, Grazia and other organisations – has started the call for a consent-based approach to be introduced in the Online Safety Bill going through Parliament.

Since the discussion around cyberflashing has picked up, I do feel more confident in reporting images.

But still, only two weeks ago, I reported an account who sent me unsolicited naked pictures and sexual comments. The account was solely dedicated to the person’s penis, but they only received a warning.

We need the UK Government to do more and criminalise cyberflashing based on a consent-based approach. I hope that the Online Safety Bill will be amended to remove the clause on ‘intent’.

Cyberflashing should be a standalone crime if someone has not consented to receiving the image. By making this change, it will no longer be on the victim to prove the intent of the perpetrator.

This is a real chance for the Government to make the internet a safer place for women and girls.

To support the call, Bumble is asking people to show their support for a consent-based approach to cyberflashing legislation by signing this pledge.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

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