I’ll be on antidepressants for the rest of my life – it’s better than being dead

‘It’s healthcare – I need it to live,’ says Elle Rudd, a social media manager, who relies on antidepressants and has done for years.

The 28-year-old, who is from Shropshire but currently lives in New York, was on and off the medication from 2015, but then three years ago decided to solidly and continuously take it.

‘I think I am going to be on antidepressants for the rest of my life and I am okay with that,’ she tells us.

Around 2 million people, which is over a quarter of the patients on antidepressants in England, have been taking them for five years, according to a new report by BBC’s Panorama.

Withdrawal can be a common reason people find it hard to stop taking SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Re-Uptake Inhibitors), and there is ‘limited evidence’ around the benefits of using them long term.

But for Elle, she has found they are helping her long term, and tells us: ‘I am entirely dependent on them and that is okay.

‘I came back to antidepressants after a really rough patch that involved me attempting to take my life, and if I have to be medicated for the rest of my life to avoid that then I am more than happy with that.

‘We don’t berate diabetics for taking or becoming reliant on insulin, mental health is just the same.’

She finds she gets side effects if she forgets to take them and her body goes into withdrawal – including nausea, an upset stomach, lowered libido and feeling agitated – but again, this feels a small price to pay.

As Elle puts it: ‘Better to be alive and on meds than dead.’

The medication helps calm her anxiety, which used to be ‘debilitating’, and eases her symptoms of depression, which can see her unable to function.

‘I am still awaiting ADHD diagnosis and treatment, so the help I can get until then is invaluable,’ she adds.

She wishes she could remove the stigma attached to taking them long term.

‘You don’t get a gold medal for completing life on hard mode. More people are taking them than you think.’

Stephen Buckley, head of information at Mind, shared a statement in response to the BBC’s findings.

‘People decide to take antidepressants for lots of different reasons,’ he said.

‘They might be one of the nearly 2 million people stuck on a waiting list for mental health treatment, or even part of the 8 million who have been deemed ineligible to get any support at all (even though they still need it).

‘We know that the UK’s national mental health is still recovering from Covid-19, with Office for National Statistics ratings for all measures of wellbeing stuck below pre-pandemic levels; and the cost-of-living crisis continuing to take its toll.’

He also believes the reason for the high number of people on medication may be down to increased awareness and campaigning around seeking help.

However, Stephen does feel that ‘five years is a long time to be on any medication’.

‘Lots of people’s lives might look and feel very different to when they were first prescribed antidepressants, so it’s really important that routine medication reviews are regularly taking place,’ he said.

‘Antidepressants should always go hand-in-hand with a wider treatment plan that takes a “whole person” approach, and not be used as a first option for mild depression.

‘The effects of long-term antidepressant use are under-researched, and Mind welcomes more work in this area.’

On the NHS website, it recommends that a course of antidepressants lasts for at least six months, but does add that ‘some people with recurrent depression may be advised to take them indefinitely’.

Ivana Poku, 39, is among the people who has been on antidepressants for more than five years.

Based in Fife, Scotland, she is an author writing about mums and postnatal depression, and has herself been on medication for six years so far.

‘I am on much smaller doses now than I was when I first started and I am gradually reducing the doses as I feel I am ready,’ she says.

‘However, I will not push it and will continue taking them guilt-free if I ever feel I am not ready to stop taking them.’

She first went on them while struggling with severe postnatal depression.

‘It was at a point where I could not even get out of bed,’ she says.

‘Antidepressants helped me to function. I always say that antidepressants do not heal, but they give you the strength to heal, to cross that bridge.’

She did used to worry about the length of time she’s been taking them, but now it’s not a concern.

In fact, she thinks her worries were rooted in the stigma that can be associated with taking medication.

‘I admit, it was a worry at first but it’s not anymore,’ she shares.

‘I don’t think you can become dependent physically – if it happens, I think it’s rather a psychological dependence.

‘But regardless, they can – and they do – literally save lives. 

‘Many people hesitate to get on them and feel they “should” recover without medication. But this way of thinking can be rather damaging.

‘I had all sorts of intrusive thoughts when I had postnatal depression. If I hadn’t started taking antidepressants, it could have easily ended in tragedy.’

SSRIs can be a huge part of a person’s recovery and management of depression, and determining the length of time to be on them is a conversation to have with a doctor – as the answer will differ person to person.

It’s important you don’t change or stop taking your medication without speaking to your GP first.

The NHS and Mind recommend reducing your dose gradually, with a GP’s guidance.

If you’ve been affected by anything in this article, the Samaritans can be contacted for free 24/7 on 116 123.

To chat about mental health in an open, non-judgmental space, join our Mentally Yours Facebook group.

Follow us on Twitter at @MentallyYrs.

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