I had a sperm donor baby at 38 and single. Why wait for Mr Right?

‘I had four rounds of IUI in total – two pregnancies, one baby,’ said Kate McElroy, who welcomed a baby boy via sperm donor, at 38 years old.

Kate, now 39, had always wanted to be a mum and decided if she was still single by her 38th birthday she would go it alone.

She contacted Bristol Centre for Reproductive Medicine (BCRM) to find out about trying and have a baby via sperm donor.

The senior marketing manager from Gloucestershire had to use her savings to pay for the £10,000 treatment and underwent her first round of intrauterine insemination (IUI) – where sperm is injected directly into the womb – to conceive in February 2022.

She went for a second round at Easter and conceived, but sadly at the seven-week scan, there was no heartbeat.

Kate said: ‘This isn’t uncommon but it’s not something that’s discussed much and emotionally it’s quite a hard thing for a woman to go through.

‘It was July when my periods started again so I had a third round of treatment but that didn’t work. Then, in September, round four resulted in my lovely Joshua.’

Kate gave birth to baby boy Joshua on June 7, 2023 at Gloucester Royal Hospital.

Kate is ‘loving every minute of parenthood’ and said she would ‘do it all over again’.

Kate spoke about the start of her pregnancy journey, saying: ‘I’d always known I wanted a child of my own – so when I found myself without a suitable partner in my mid-thirties, I had a fertility check to ensure I hadn’t already left it too late.

‘At that time a friend suggested I consider going it alone, but back then it didn’t feel right.

‘However, when my 37th birthday arrived, I promised myself that if I was still single in July 2021, when I turned 38, I would go for it.

‘I come from a huge family – my dad, Gerard, 69, is one of 12, – so I’ve got lots of cousins and I’ve always loved babies.

‘I have a very close relationship with my mum, Norma, 69 – who lives nearby – and my sister Clare, 37, who lives in Basingstoke.

‘Both of them understood how much I wanted a baby and they’re incredibly supportive.’

Kate was single when her 38th birthday arrived and it then took her until October to ‘summon up the courage to get things started’.

As Kate was paying for the treatment on her own, she decided to opt for IUI as a cheaper alternative to IVF – one cycle of IUI is typically a quarter of the price of one IVF cycle.

Kate went for a body ‘MOT’ – which included a scan to check her fallopian tubes were functioning normally – before contacting the clinic and starting her journey to motherhood.

She said: ‘The nurse I saw, Fiona Pringle, was brilliant and supported me throughout my entire fertility treatment.

‘Actually, everyone I saw throughout my fertility treatment was amazing.’

Kate likened the feeling of having the IUI procedure to having a smear test – except IUI involves having sperm injected into the uterus through a straw.

The new mum said: ‘A whole vial is used for each treatment – emulating nature, if you like.

‘By contrast, if I’d opted for IVF, one vial of sperm would have served for many cycles of treatment if necessary.

‘IVF is actually a more reliable way of getting pregnant too, however the other elements of IVF treatment mean it works out dearer than IUI.

‘All the indications were that IUI should allow me to conceive, so after discussing it all with my consultant I booked in for my first cycle.’

A report by fertility watchdog the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) revealed a surge in the number of women choosing to become solo mums – with 44% more seeking fertility treatment in 2021 than in 2019.

Despite losing her first baby during pregnancy Kate said her wonderful sister Clare supported her through her pregnancy with Joshua, as did her mother.

‘It was so lovely to have them both there to share the joy. Mum is a fantastic hands-on grandma, and I’m so glad I have her locally to support me,’ said Kate.

‘Clare has two little boys aged four and two – ready-made playmates for Joshua when he’s a bit older,’ Kate added.

Kate is taking a year off as maternity leave but will return to work after that.

She said: ‘At the moment I’m just getting used to being a mum and I’m loving every minute of it.

‘If I had my time over I would definitely do it all over again.’

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