Ask Amy: Grandmother’s long-term patience pays off

Dear Readers: Like you, I’m often curious about what happens to the advice I offer once it leaves my desk, and so I’ve asked readers to send in “updates” to let all of us know how my advice was received, if it was followed, and how things turned out.

The responses have flowed in, and I’m interested and often gratified to learn what impact this experience has had on readers.

This year I celebrate my 20th year of writing this column. Publishing these updates reminds me that we have been through a lot over these past decades. Some of these updates read like postcards from old friends, and I’m happy to share them.

(It’s important to understand that most of these updates offer a positive outcome. I assume this is because when things go well, people are more willing to share their experience.)

To refresh all of our memories, I’m running the original Q&A, followed by the update.

Dear Amy: My 14-year-old granddaughter and I have become estranged. Her parents split up after 14 years of living together.

She chose to live with her dad, while her mother (my daughter) and my 5-year-old granddaughter came to live with my husband and me (for the past 18 months).

I helped raise my older granddaughter from infancy, as her mother was a teenager when she gave birth for the first time. We spent a lot of time together and had a very close and loving relationship.

My granddaughter continues to shun her mother and me. (Her father has involved her in their breakup, and she has taken his side. He speaks horribly about our family.) It is so painful.

My therapist says to stay in touch with her and give her time, but her rudeness is hard to take.

No matter what I attempt to do or say at this point — such as let’s spend some time together and go to the mall or maybe the museum — she takes this the wrong way, as if I’m trying to guilt her. She ignores me or turns me down. I’ve heard she misses me, yet every attempt I make to spend time with her is met with disdain.