Ask Amy: A woman wants partner’s permission to roam

Dear Amy: I am a woman in a sexless relationship, which is also lacking in affection. We’ve been together off and on (mostly on) for 25 years.

Our relationship is just sharing a home which he owns, and I pay half of the expenses.

We can have a decent home this way, as housing is so expensive.

We are both recently retired.

I have spent the last 11 years trying to get him to be intimate again, and he will not. He says it’s his ED and COPD. He has literally no desire to give or receive any affection, except for an occasional hug and a peck on the cheek.

I’ve given up and have a lot of anger over it.

Well, I met a guy in Vegas in 2009 and had the best sex ever. We have remained in touch.

He’s on the East Coast and I’m in the Southwest.

The man I live with has also never wanted to get married and, now, neither do I.

I like being my own boss.

I want to visit the other guy, and he also wants me to.

I love the man I live with, as we have been together for such a long time, but I no longer feel “in love” with him.

I’m relatively young, healthy, and pretty.

I have a lot of need for physical intimacy and would like to have it again.

How can I tell the man I live with that I need to make this trip East before I die?

— Time’s Ticking Away

Dear Time’s Ticking: You and your partner have settled into a mutually beneficial roommate relationship.

You should initiate a conversation with him, expressing your desire to travel on your own and perhaps pursue other relationships, while remaining in a friendly cohabiting relationship with him.

Yes, time is ticking away. You do not need permission to assert your own freedom to make choices, as long as you come to terms with the possible consequences.

Understand the stakes for you: Your partner owns the home. He might insist that you find other housing.

Dear Amy: I live in Southern California. The state is encouraging people to bring reusable bags to the store, but if you don’t have your own bags, you can purchase a plastic bag from the store for a dime.

The store I was at has an employee watching over the self-checkout. They will hand out bags to those who need them.

Today I was using the self-checkout register. I had my own bag.

A man next to me reached into the employee’s kiosk area and took a plastic bag to bag his groceries.

The store employee hadn’t seen what he’d done. She did ask if he needed a bag, and he said no.

My question for you is — should I have told the employee what I’d witnessed?

Someone I told my story to said that it was only a dime so it’s not a huge deal.

My response was that stealing is stealing no matter the amount involved.

I didn’t report what I’d seen, but it is bothering me.

— Torn in Southern California

Dear Torn: At my supermarket self-checkout, right before you pay you are asked how many bags you’ve used, and the cost of those bags is added to the total.

The man told the clerk he didn’t need a bag because he’d already helped himself to one.

Perhaps you should assume that, when prompted, he added the cost of his bag to the total before paying.

To answer the question of whether you should turn someone in if you think they might have taken a dime’s worth of merchandise, no — I don’t think you should.

Petty dishonesty has an amazing way of nudging the Karmic wheel. That dude’s plastic bag might have split on his way to the car.

Dear Amy: Like “Not Informed’s” spouse, I oversaw most of the household finances and taxes. My wife wanted to learn more, but I just didn’t take the time to explain.

After our daughter was born, I had a nightmare that I died and my wife had no idea how to even make sure the mortgage was paid.

I then spent a week developing a massive spreadsheet that showed where all the money goes, along with how it is managed and taxed.

Having the knowledge empowered my wife to handle the books herself (which is a great timesaver for me).

— Happy Life

Dear Happy Life: You’re a keeper. I’m wishing you many more joint returns.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

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