Planning when to catch Covid in 2022

It’s one of those cute Kikki K ones with the days of the week in Swedish and little illustrations of a girl walking her dog, watering her plants and writing in her journal. On the cover it says: “2022: Now Is The Time”.

Time for what?

Time to book another holiday which will inevitably be cancelled?

Time for a family reunion with parents and siblings overseas?

Time to kickstart a new work project which will require some travel interstate?

We all know that’s about as likely as Donald Trump announcing he’s gender fluid so, instead, I’ve gone through my new diary working out when would be the most convenient time to get Covid.

The next two weeks won’t work because I have both my daughters home and we have a holiday planned on the coast. This has been delayed as our host caught Covid and it would be pretty bad form to reinfect him.

Early January would also be bloody annoying since I had my booster shot on Monday and being felled by Covid would limit my opportunities to be righteous about it. Plus my eldest is only with us for another fortnight before she returns to her military studies. Imagine if I gave it to her then she infected the entire defence force and then China invaded Taiwan and we had to deploy a bunch of ailing soldiers and sailors. No, that won’t work.

Then there’s the younger daughter. She’s working in an artisan bakery over the summer and brings home the most delicious bread and pastries. I suppose we could freeze supplies in preparation – and after four months in lockdown together we’re well practised in amusing ourselves with Netflix and games of Battleship. Plus, she did get a bath bomb kit for Christmas so that will provide an alternative to online shopping for 7.36 minutes.

But having Covid at the same time as a teenager wouldn’t be fun. Quite rightly, it’s the peak age for doing what you please and having to listen to the moaning which would accompany a 10-day confinement would somewhat spoil the Zen I’ve heard you can achieve with solitary isolation.

Scrolling through the diary, February might work but I’ve got tickets to see Midnight Oil on the 23rd so I’d prefer to be listening to Beds Are Burning than be burning one up myself with the night sweats which are reportedly grim. Later than that would be inconvenient because that’s when Jacinda Ardern has promised (a loose concept) to reopen the New Zealand borders which means I’ll be able to see my mum.

March is therefore out and April … well, it’d be a shame to miss Easter since Christmas was such a stress bomb what with trying to set up a black market in rapid antigen tests and faux empathising with Western Australia after their fortress approach was finally compromised.

If God can roll back a tombstone and raise Jesus from the dead then surely the least he can do is divert Covid for long enough for us to celebrate the fact.

May is out because I’ve earmarked that for a yoga retreat in Bali. Please don’t laugh. As the recently departed Desmond Tutu wisely said: “Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all the darkness.” Nietzsche, conversely, said that hope is the “worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man” but he was always a miserable sod.

Which leaves me with June and, as we all know, six months is a long time in a pandemic. By then we’ll doubtless have traversed the kappa, sigma, upsilon and chi variants. Incidentally, hasn’t it been wonderful learning the Greek alphabet?

Because I work freelance I lose money whenever I can’t work but for all of you with a holiday entitlement I recommend not getting it on the first day of your break. That’s really poor planning, robbing you not just of your sick pay entitlement but sympathy from colleagues.

I’d also recommend allocating at least a two-week window for Covid because it’s not the only disease on the buffet of ailments which can up-end your plans. Take my mates Jules and Dave. They had a trip planned to Tassie so set the alarm for 5am to get in the Covid testing queue before heading south to jump on the Spirit Of Tasmania.

Trouble is one of the rellies on Christmas Day was harbouring a stomach bug and they woke with violent eruptions from both ends. Needless to say they missed the test, missed the boat and are currently enjoying a week in Toowoomba.

So it’s in that spirit that I have diarised Covid to strike me anytime between Jan 14 and Jan 28 when I have a friend’s 50th birthday. Ideally, the 14th because that would coincide with the fifth Ashes Test and have me out of iso by Australia Day.

Wish me luck.

ANGELA LOVES …

SALAD

A friend bought Yotam Ottolenghi’s delicious sweet winter slaw with mango, mint, macadamia and cabbage for Christmas and it’s superb. Google it. Not wintry at all.

GOLF

I appreciate it’s going to be a love/hate relationship but what a cracker sport.

PODCAST

I’m a long-time fan of Michael Mosley and love this podcast which teaches you simple and easy health advice from singing to changing your meal times and the rationale behind them.